Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
