I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
