my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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