mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
