By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
