She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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