erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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