Well douche your snatch and let's go!
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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