my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
