Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
