The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
