We're like a lot better than the average bears
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
