I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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