did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
