Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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