mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
