I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
