Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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