i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
