it hurts more in the daytime
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
