That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
