How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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