Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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