Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
