Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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