She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I have fence marks all over my body
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
