You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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