Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
