if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
