i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
