I hate all girls vehemently.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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