thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
