So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
