Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
