He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just gift wrapped bread.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
