I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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