Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
