i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
