Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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