You're so nebulous sometimes
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
