About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
