I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
