He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
