She's JV to your varsity
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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