dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
