the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
