that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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