I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
