You're my little dorito
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
