you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
