every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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