Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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